The Question

The first day on the Camino we walked mostly along the ocean.  It was beautiful!  And throughout the day I kept asking God, "where am I? and how did I get here?"  It was a very surreal experience, even when it poured rain on us.  Part way through that day, while in awe of the surrounding beauty and astounded that I was there, I heard the question "why are you doing this?"  I don't know how to best explain this but the question wasn't being directed at me.  It was just a question, floating out there in the mix of the crashing waves.  While I knew the question wasn't for me to answer on that day it seemed likely that at some point I might be asking myself that question.  After all, I was only a few miles in to a 160 mile journey.

We left really early on our third day of walking from the home of a kind and hospitable family in Esposende, Portugal.  Sent off with hugs, a fully belly and a grateful heart.  Not long after setting off for the day, I began to get fidgety.  Up until that day I had not experienced any real challenge or discomfort from carrying my backpack but that morning was a different story.  Not only could I not get my pack to fit comfortably, I was very itchy...but I will spare you the details of that.  In the midst of the discomfort I tried and tried different adjustments but had no luck.  I then thought, maybe this isn't about my pack, maybe it's time to invite the Lord into my morning and all that was present to me.  With a little resistance, I began to chat with Him about what I was experiencing and how irritated I was to not be able to settle into the journey and experience the peace of the previous mornings.  And that's when it happened.  I was asked a question and it was the question and God was asking it to me.

"Why are you doing this?" 

"WHAT?!?! Why are you asking me?  I should be asking you, Lord!  I came on this trip with a heart longing to connect with you and praying that you'd reveal your purpose to me...and now you're asking me why I'm doing this?  Seriously?!?!"  Let's just say, it was a colorful, conflictual conversation or at least it eventually became a conversation.

Eventually my frustration with God turned to brokenness (mostly).  Broken and humbled because for me the Camino wasn't just an adventure.  It was a symbolic journey of my relationship with God.  It was an opportunity to walk with God day in and day out, not knowing where the path would take us.  And here I was being asked, why are you doing this?  The answer was simple in it's content and yet far from simple in what it requires.

I'm doing this because I want to follow you, Lord.  

Shortly after coming to this place in my heart and response with my lips, we came upon a small church and took a few minutes to go inside.  As we left, I heard a dove.  Shocked I heard it, more so that I knew what it was and irked that of all things there was a dove signaling it's presence after the conversation I had been having God.  Really God?!?!  (See, this is where the "mostly" comes in.)  Yep!  And not only did I hear it but I looked up and it was perched on the roof of a home right in front of me.  With some resistance initially, I saw the dove as God reminding me of His presence and peace in the midst of my brokenness and fear.

If only the story stopped here...